i talked to an old friend of mine, an very old friend, last night before went to bed. i, felt sad for her the moment she uttered out all of her stories, in the middle of the night. i, somehow, almost put my legs into her shoes and out of the sudden, i felt that the tears of mine coarsened down my cheek, slowly.
the story starts with a guy named T. she met that guy during an event or something, don't remember that clearly. she told me that she found that guy pretty interesting and cute, so she attempted to approach him. she doesn't carry the thought that girls should not take the first move, obviously. so, she went on and continued the story with she managed to be friend with him after she took the first move. and i, personally felt happy for her at that particular jiffy.
she didn't text that guy too often as she thought that might cause' that guy feels annoying. and then she went on with a radiant smile on her face that she managed to ask that guy out for a movie since they had talked to each other frequently, already. and here's the funny part, she was so excited when she's telling me. she was shivering during the movie and that guy found out and tried to ask was it okay for him to cuddle her since she was so cold. apparently she was way too shy and rejected it and they ended up holding hand. i was laughing all the way when she was trying to spit all of it out to me.
so she happily continued her story like there was no tomorrow. they went out quite often since that day. in the middle of the conversation, i tried to stop her and threw her a question and made her stoned for a moment. 'what's the relationship between both of you?', i asked.
so she tried, very hard to explain that to me. she claimed that, they definitely did not have the duty to take care of each other, perhaps, one of them will only show up when the other half needs him/her. so, at this point, i slowly understood that she kinda having an ambiguous relationship with that guy.
one day, she found out that she started to rely on that guy, perhaps, need him would be a better replacement. but she felt glum for herself because both of them had a deal that there would be no payoff between them earlier, so she couldn't do anything, none of the single things. she told me her heart sank whenever she thought of it.
at that moment, it hit me, very hard cause' it made me thought of my past, which happens to be the same. so she went on and told me that she suffered a lot during those days cause' she started to feel that the guy started to back off from her.
and she popped out a question, 'how long do i need to take this time to let go of this?'. i scratched my head and silent for a while. she yelled on the phone the moment i said, 'it depends'. and she started to ask a lot of questions like 'how could that guy let go so easily?' and bla bla blaaaaa -.-
so her story kinda gave me some thought, serious thought. we, as a girl, should not open up our hearts to anyone, so easily and obviously she had made a mistake. i, made the same mistake, as well. and i couldn't even count how many times that i have made the same mistake, over and over again. i cried, i laughed, i frowned, i smiled, i.... for the mistakes that i had made in the past.
i didn't know how i even walked out from the mistakes and move on, and actually typing these out at this time.
yesterday, i was clever, so i wanted to change the world.
today, i am wise, so i am changing myself.
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