laying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the sound coming out from the man. the way he snores is the best lullaby for me but it just doesnt work on me tonight, just tonight. heart is beating so fast abruptly and my face goes red. dare not to move an inch cause' afraid my movements might wake the man up. at this particular jiffy, im lost.
i started to question myself, am i on the right path. is this what i wanted for all these while. recalling the first day i got into this field and i actually felt excited about it. and now, i dont know whats the feelings, anymore. numb, i guess. been telling the closed ones but nobody listens. all i got is 'be tough, hang in there', take it or leave it. pffttttttt
im well aware that even chocolate, sugar, candies and etc have their own expiry dates and now, i feel like im going downhill, in everything. perhaps,im just being too sentimental and my emotional got controlled and it screw it up, screw everything up. still can feel the pain whenever everyone is trying to dig in, digging into the dark side of mine which i have been trying so hard to hide it from everyone.
a squeeze on his lips would cure everything, every single things. but i knew that at some point, someday, the strong feelings embedded within us are gonna fade in a way, slowly. aint taking the negative thoughts, realistic instead. nobody could resist the temptation out there, nobody. till then, im afraid of falling, again.
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