why don't you judge it.

i've been brought down to my knees

and i've been pushed way past the point of breaking

but i can take it

i'll be back

back on my feet

there is far from over

you haven't seen the last of me

i, seriously have to admit that times are hard, indeed. and to be frank, there is something else inside me, telling me that, i'm not supposed to face all of these bullshits at my age, well, seems like i'm wrong, totally wrong. issues or problems won't choose the perfect timing for you to handle according to your age, they'll just show up, and say hello. 

i usually don't cry in front of my friends when there is a tiny issue surrounding me, i only weep like a baby when i could barely breathe and i could sense the sign of insanity is trying to approach. yes, i do realized that, everyone is selfish, even our parents, i assume. 

if, there is a chance for me, i would, and i will, take the opportunity and running towards it, instead of worrying so much about others but not me, myself. and i think, i won't, ask for all of you to forgive me for being selfish, no, i won't. just like our parents, sometimes, they do need a space for themselves to have a whale of time with their loved ones instead of facing their children shouting ' papa, mama, i want to poo poo '

i, personally think that, it's too far from talking about the future, which is uncertain, to know what would have happened in the future, nobody knows. my bf always show me his cold shoulder when i'm attempting to talk about our future, and now, i understand why. it's not important to talk about, how many children we want to have, how's our wedding going to be or how's our house going to be look like, at all. in contrast, it's important to take a look at yourself, how are you doing right now. 

it's not because of we don't love each other so much and it's definitely not because of we don't have faith in each other. it's because, environment changes people, don't you think so? i'm living with my bf, and we always say to each other that we don't look like a couple, instead, an old man and woman will be much suitable to describe us. we never really dress us up and go out for dating, no, never, a t shirt and a short pant will do. 

i always thought that i could, and i can take good care of myself when my family isn't around , no, it doesn't seem that way. without them, i would have collapsed, like seriously. i do believe that, there is someone else, at the other corner of the earth, feels exactly what i feel now, desperately seeking for protection and hoping stay in the warm arms and never wanted to leave.