thinking too much.

i thought it's supposed to be, you know, easy.
seems like i was wrong, totally wrong.
i thought i could get over it.
wake up and forget about, everything, everything including how tough the life is.
i don't want to be, you know, incapable.
perching at the edge of the sofa, thinking too much.
the tears started to coarsened down the cheeks of mine.
and told myself that, i can get over it, cause' you know,
it's all inside my knack.
amen.

3 years of slumberland

first year
i kept imagining what my life would be in kl before i got there. i imagined that, it might be exciting, fascinating or perhaps, dull. sounds corny eh? i couldn't fall asleep the night before i caught the plane to get there cause' my mind kept exercising, apparently.

so my first year in sunway was 2010. i supposed, at that particular jiffy, a good year maybe? so it was neither a good nor a bad year for me cause' i met him during that year. the man whom i'm still curling with. there are many of my friends wonder how did we even hook on each other.

technically, our relationship started on 4th of april in the early in the morning. it wasn't him whom chased after me, but it doesn't mean that i was the one who eagerly approached him. okay, so i'm gonna spit it out, now. at that night, i pressed my lips against his softly cause' it ain't the first time i felt so strong that i wanted to make him as mine.

then, we started to curl each other on the bed and cuddling for the whole night. at that moment, i was so overwhelmed with love and wished to nuzzling on the bed, like forever. sounds weird aite i know. lolll. so i started to spend almost most of my time with him as if we were a pen with ink.

there was, nevertheless, rumors about us after our statuses changed. ain't going to narrate in detail about this part. love makes everyone blind, people say. so i supposed it isn't necessary to put the blame on any parties just to make yourself feel good or comfortable. it's just wrong you know. i, hence, told myself to ignore those rumors and keep on holding it, insistently.

during the year, i kept on blogging about the things that we had done together and declared to the world that i was actually having a whale of time with this man. sounds like a bragger, indeed. pfftttt. just for your information, the previous relationships of mine never really lasted for more than 4months. so i supposed this would be the same. but it certainly proved me wrong.

we never really went out and had a good date to be frank. but i didn't groan, at all. well you know, it was because of the so-called honeymoon period. ahahahahha.

nothing really surprised or shocked me during the year. it was just an ordinary year. that's it.

second year
i found myself over concentrated on studies and i, therefore decided to entertain myself with activities like joining volleyball club. other than the reason stated above, it served as the purpose of beautifying my resume too :) tsk, too realistic huh?

i met some new friends through the club. it was fun, indeed. represented sunway college university to participate in MAPCU and got 2nd runner up. *teehee proud* cause' we only trained as a team for like, less than one month. *okay la, stop bragging* lollll




second year, surprised me with a call from the man that he was admitted to hospital due to dengue fever. my eyes nearly popped out from its sockets as i never really thought of anyone surrounding me would face this, especially those that i love/care.

i wasn't at sunway the moment the man was admitted, i was in penang instead. i couldn't really like, buy an air ticket and get my ass back there without any consideration like those rich people out there, i just, could not do that. so he stayed at the hospital for exactly a week. he was so skinny the moment he got out of the medical centre. without a doubt, the man kept complaining that i didn't take any effort to take care of him when he was admitted. blah blah blah. pfftttt.

so there was only a little wavy motion during the second year, nothing much, again.

third year
oh dear, i love this year, so much. it was the most challenging, exciting, full of unforgettable memories and also, the toughest year for me, to the maximum. i failed one of the papers and it dispirited me, so much that i couldn't really take a break to let myself to take a deeppppppp breathe. sigh. i, however, managed to perform well. like passed my oxford brookes university degree assignment *so, frankly speaking, i'm a degree holder, already :D* coupled with passing my professional papers at one shot :)

at the same time, i met some new friends who lighten up part of my life, as well. as i mentioned earlier, i joined volleyball club in the 2nd year, yet, people come and go. so it didn't surprise me when there were some new faces when i went to training as usual. we managed to shorten the distance amongst us as the time passed by. so in the 3rd year, i met yx, whom i used to call bella :D  such a lovely but at the same time a naughty girl as well. there are other girls that are cute as well just that kinda lazy to list them all out. :-P






on top of that, i also got myself involved in the dodgeball club. ohh, let me rephrase it. i only joined for a short period of time, very short. hahahahahah. so i met the grandpa, bilal through the dodgeball competition. i suppose he is a funny, talkative but can be quite serious at the same time as well. nahhh. don't like to talk to him when he's mad. ahahahahahhahahahahah. met moonlum and joel as well ;-)

lets just jump back to my relationship, for now. we are kinda at the comfortable zone, but not too comfort. disagreements everyday. pfftttt. but i'm glad that we ain't at the tolerance stage, so far. he still gave me surprise. like a big surprise on my 21 bday. such a lovely man, indeed. i wept throughout the surprise cause' it was kinda like the first surprise that he threw? :-P well, surprise makes us go further, i think.

we, had different direction at the first place. however, everything changed. it's all because of the job that we're heading to. the job, that get us closer, much closer.

also, i'm glad to have a group of friends who treat me so well, who take good care of me when we're at the downhill stage. such a group of true friends, no lies, no fakes, they simply show me the real hearts of theirs. lovely, so lovely :)






right now, i feel like, i'm slacking too much. wake up at 9am everyday, do all of the house chores, go to the bed at 12am. pfftttt. damn fatigue. but i feel like, it's more of like, lifeless eh? hmmmmm.

whatever. anyway, christmas is coming, soon. hope you all have a good ones. merry xmas. xoxo.

surprise, surprise.

starring at him while he was trying to tell me something. 

a thing that i never expected, from him.

he was actually talking about the future, not his, but ours.

to be frank, i never really planned for ours, not even mine.

surprise, surprise.

they said, its hard to let go, but its even harder to hold on.

and it doesnt apply on me, at all.

love,

its hard to holding on, as we know,

but its even harder for me to let you go.

it ain't the end.

 

without a doubt, temptation is really tempting, indeed. 

it's either you take it or walk away.

once you took it, you have to bear the consequences, the unbearable consequences.

or, perhaps, once you turned your back to the temptation, you would feel that you're the mr/ms.lonely in the world, ever. 

you may flirt,

but i assume, 

you know exactly who you want,

in the end.

 

a conversation, with an old friend.

i talked to an old friend of mine, an very old friend, last night before went to bed. i, felt sad for her the moment she uttered out all of her stories, in the middle of the night. i, somehow, almost put my legs into her shoes and out of the sudden, i felt that the tears of mine coarsened down my cheek, slowly. 

the story starts with a guy named T. she met that guy during an event or something, don't remember that clearly. she told me that she found that guy pretty interesting and cute, so she attempted to approach him. she doesn't carry the thought that girls should not take the first move, obviously. so, she went on and continued the story with she managed to be friend with him after she took the first move. and i, personally felt happy for her at that particular jiffy. 

she didn't text that guy too often as she thought that might cause' that guy feels annoying. and then she went on with a radiant smile on her face that she managed to ask that guy out for a movie since they had talked to each other frequently, already. and here's the funny part, she was so excited when she's telling me. she was shivering during the movie and that guy found out and tried to ask was it okay for him to cuddle her since she was so cold. apparently she was way too shy and rejected it and they ended up holding hand. i was laughing all the way when she was trying to spit all of it out to me. 

so she happily continued her story like there was no tomorrow. they went out quite often since that day. in the middle of the conversation, i tried to stop her and threw her a question and made her stoned for a moment. 'what's the relationship between both of you?', i asked.

so she tried, very hard to explain that to me. she claimed that, they definitely did not have the duty to take care of each other, perhaps, one of them will only show up when the other half needs him/her. so, at this point, i slowly understood that she kinda having an ambiguous relationship with that guy. 

one day, she found out that she started to rely on that guy, perhaps, need him would be a better replacement. but she felt glum for herself because both of them had a deal that there would be no payoff between them earlier, so she couldn't do anything, none of the single things. she told me her heart sank whenever she thought of it. 

at that moment, it hit me, very hard cause' it made me thought of my past, which happens to be the same. so she went on and told me that she suffered a lot during those days cause' she started to feel that the guy started to back off from her.

and she popped out a question, 'how long do i need to take this time to let go of this?'. i scratched my head and silent for a while. she yelled on the phone the moment i said, 'it depends'. and she started to ask a lot of questions like 'how could that guy let go so easily?' and bla bla blaaaaa -.-

so her story kinda gave me some thought, serious thought. we, as a girl, should not open up our hearts to anyone, so easily and obviously she had made a mistake. i, made the same mistake, as well. and i couldn't even count how many times that i have made the same mistake, over and over again. i cried, i laughed, i frowned, i smiled, i.... for the mistakes that i had made in the past.

i didn't know how i even walked out from the mistakes and move on, and actually typing these out at this time. 

yesterday, i was clever, so i wanted to change the world. 

today, i am wise, so i am changing myself.

 

trying to twist it back, i am.

i turned the page and started to realize that, something, went wrong. it was not supposed to end up in this way, or that way.

humans are greedy, i assume and its true. and i am one of them, at least, i am honest with that. i have to admit that, sometimes, i am pretty accurate as in what is going to happen next. just that, i chose to take a lot of breads and put it into my mouth, so that i couldnt speak, at all. dont play the hero/heroine with me, i dont take that.

perhaps, we should not have mutual friends, at all. you blamed me for doing this and i accepted that cause i am aware of what i am doing right now, right here. it doesnt seem right, at all when you actually vomitted out all those words. i just dont agree with it.

well, perhaps, this is the time. now i am going to play heroine with you.

i might, verbal things out that hurt to the deep, and i know i always did. i am not afraid to take my hat down and apologize cause this is me, can be an angel, can be a devil. and you always know that i will eventually forget things, like in a sec. so chill. now, i am going to be the one who slowly take the said bone out of the place and, start all over again. love.

#blood is thicker than water# keep that in mind ♥

story teller 2.

• X - girl
• Y - boy

chapter 3: the arrogant bastard

story starts here. X got to know Y at a party, a every saturday must have party.

X didn't have any interest towards Y at the first place, cause' the way Y behaves, arrogant and disgusting to the max. X would not even look at Y even she asked Y to pass her the tomato sauce or whatever.

yet, things changed. X received friend request from Y on facebook. it didn't take long for X to click the button with 'confirm' on it cause' she thought it might be awkward if she were to bump into Y at the party again and he might ask about it. a box popped out at the very next moment after X hit the button, a facebook chat box. 

Y started the conversation with things relating to the saturday party and slowly, X started to realize that this guy is cute. they started to talk to each other during the party and even started texting each other. it wouldn't be called as having an ambiguous relationship, just, a simple friendship.

X started to realize that her heart began to wobble, a minor wobbling.

there was a night, both of them were at the party. a girl, looked stunning at the party. all of the guys would fall in love with her in a sec if she were to swing her tail (a weird description). and yes, she swung (even if she did not do it with purpose, whatever)

Y no longer talked to X and it caused the heart of X sank, a bit. X attempted to talk to Y but ended up got the worse response from him. and, she decided to leave.


chapter 4: the stunning girl swings, again.

X, decided to move on. as usual, she attended the party every saturday. and there was a guy, trying to approach X. X took the approach as a friend. slowly, they started to chat and exchanged contact no. X thought that it would be a good start to get a new friend.

but, things changed again because of the stunning girl.

this time, X decided not to give a shit on it, already. cause' she knew that it's not going to an end, the cycle will keep going on and keep going on.

i, updated.

summary of the week

# mommy touchdown sunway to attend little sister's graduation :)

# a photo with him

# bruises everywhere D:

# mommy bought this for me :D

# ahhhhh. this is the reason i broke. bought this to him :)

30 months, love

 

 ' babe, i'm not a sweetener so please bare with me with the simple boring words that i'm going to tell :)) well, apparently, i've already spent 2 and a half years with you, in just a blink. i, personally think that it isn't long enough to declare that we're officially at the most comfort zone, not at all. a little tiny stuff would make the connection between us crack, easily, i assume. lots of commitments have to be done and patient, of course, yet, i'm trying, very hard. i knew you're trying very hard as well :-* 

to be honest, i never thought of we could make it so far, like thisssssssss far. ahahahahha. i bet you must have a huge stomach to swallow all my bad temper which i don't think other guys can do it. glad to have you in my life. please hold my hands tight so that we can walk further, further and further, together :) '

from,

your loved ones

asian water sports village @ puchong

the girls :)

another one :))

# got milk? :D

ready ? :-?

all wet after the first game :D

wanted to ride this but they're chained up :(

me and bf. never smiled properly when taking pic with me D:

 

yet, gave a radiant smile in this pic -.- what's the hint are you trying to give huhh

ready to go. banana boat :))

 

 

epiccccc :D lolllllllllllllll

and booo, shipwreck :D

all trying to get out of the water cause' trust me, there are baby sharks inside the water :)) lollll kidding

 

another game :)

 

now, it's my turn! lolllll. i know i was way too excited :D

blashhhhhhh

 

 

you have a sexy leg, bf :D ahahhaa

 

 

 

blashhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i wasn't that heavy to pull up bfffff D:

 

this time, all blashhhhhhhh. (if you have the thought of going this place, please do wear a superb tight pant cause' mine almost went off when i got threw off from the little ship) hahahha :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

-.-

we laughed until couldn't even pull him uppp from the water. heavyyyyyy loooooo :D

 

another team

 

one down heeeeee

 

 

lost your little friend? hahahahahhaha :D

here! i'm here!

 

 

 

kayak timee :)

 

one more before we left :))

 . 

..

 ...

 ....

 .....

when i got home and only realized that .....

sunburn D: ouchhhh