afraid of falling, again.

laying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the sound coming out from the man. the way he snores is the best lullaby for me but it just doesnt work on me tonight, just tonight. heart is beating so fast abruptly and my face goes red. dare not to move an inch cause' afraid my movements might wake the man up. at this particular jiffy, im lost.

i started to question myself, am i on the right path. is this what i wanted for all these while. recalling the first day i got into this field and i actually felt excited about it. and now, i dont know whats the feelings, anymore. numb, i guess. been telling the closed ones but nobody listens. all i got is 'be tough, hang in there', take it or leave it. pffttttttt

im well aware that even chocolate, sugar, candies and etc have their own expiry dates and now, i feel like im going downhill, in everything. perhaps,im just being too sentimental and my emotional got controlled and it screw it up, screw everything up. still can feel the pain whenever everyone is trying to dig in, digging into the dark side of mine which i have been trying so hard to hide it from everyone.

a squeeze on his lips would cure everything, every single things. but i knew that at some point, someday, the strong feelings embedded within us are gonna fade in a way, slowly. aint taking the negative thoughts, realistic instead. nobody could resist the temptation out there, nobody. till then, im afraid of falling, again.

meant for you.

staring at this page for quite a time and i didnt know what to type at all till the video hit me, so much. guess i owe my man a confirmation.

 

was scrolling through the news feed and the video popped out in front of my eyes abruptly. it took me so hard and so long to press the play button. to be frank, i thought the video would make my heart sank, again. yet it proved me wrong. i, finally learnt the one and only thing from the video. he deserves a woman who loves him more than me. and i, deserve a man whom i will love with all of my heart. i found the man now and he met his. its difficult to let the past go but im happier than i thought when i decided to draw a fullstop on the previous ones.

 

the man, whom im comfortably staying with now,  is the best gift of the year, ever. by recalling how we met on the first day still giving me butterfly in my stomach. i have to admit that i tried to hide this relationship from everyone including my family at the first place, and i knew that you werent feeling good at that particular jiffy. trust me, the remorse is eating me up slowly back then.

they once said, you dont get to meet the right ones if you still lingering on the wrong person. and now, i can then declare that he's the one - the special ones. the little things that you've done have trully melted my heart, day by day.

 

 

 

the raining day
its around 8pm at that night and i was starving after a long day at work. he got me up from the office and headed to dinner. its was pouring like cats and dogs and the rain drops were dancing freely on our table and eventually jumped on our faces. he saw the frown on my face and he got the umbrella and opened it and put it on our table to stop the rain drops from dancing too wild but everyone eyed at him for doing so. after few secs, he excused for going to the washroom and i waited. a cup of hot vanilla was handed to me the moment i turned my head around. he's half soaked and still, he gave me his radiant smile and said, 'baby girl, here's the drink to keep you warm'. trust me, i nearly sob at that moment.

 

the 23rd birthday
didnt know how long he had been planning for those events but without a doubt, he's the most lovely and caring man in this world, for me at least :)
he got me up from work and sent me home for a quick shower. it didnt take me long to realise that he's gone the moment i stepped out from my washroom. a call from him saying get ready and dinner at 8pm. it took about 20mins time to get to the restaurant. he went to the rear of his car and surprised me with a bouquet of red roses. trust me, receiving such a beautiful roses was the first time in my life. we also went for a short getaway and the trip was awesome! he succeeded in making me felt like im the princess afterall *smirk* :)

the lovely breakfast
he's keen to wake me up by giving me a morning call and telling me its gonna be a good day and give it the best. the breakfast would be served on the table after i have washed up and everything. looking at his back and eyeing at his serious look in preparing the breakfast for me - believe me, you would beg no more.

dear alan,

 

'you have done so many things for me and im afraid of not being good enough to you in terms of appearance, body shape and so on. you are the best gift in my life and i would not ask for more. handing over my future to you would not take me more than a sec to decide. just so you know, you are the most amazing guy and im addicted to you, already. lets hold it together till the day you watch me walk towards you on the aisle and say, yes i do my love'

 

 

love,
elle