days without him, i change.

it has been exactly two weeks that he wasn't beside me, like having meals together, fondling my forehead when i'm about to sleep every night, and etc. without him, the atmosphere around me turned to be so tranquil out of the sudden, it supposed to be a good thing, yet, it's more of like, part of me is missing you see D:

no calls and no texts for the two weeks, at all. okay fine, i'm trying to exaggerate it :p i only got his phone calls when he had something important to talk about or whatsoever, okay, you must be having this question like, WHY COULDN'T YOU MAKE THE CALL RIGHT. it's not that i can't, it's just that i don't want to, as i pretty dislike the way he shows me his cold shoulder, sometimes.

well, i eventually found out that it wasn't a bad thing for me honestly, cause' i secretly felt that, it's the love i wanted. hmm, i don't name it as puppy love, would you? technically i define puppy love as the love/relationship that there will be lots of msgs, calls, or skype, or facebook, or even msn involved in their life in order to show their loves, like EVERYDAY? okay look, i ain't saying long distance relationship here k.

what i'm trying to say is, don't you feel annoying or awful when you kinda like, have to reply the msgs from the morning till the moment you close your eyes and enjoy your slumberland? more to the point, don't you feel disgusting when you're being scolded on the phone in front of your family just because of you left your cellphone inside your bedroom and couldn't reply his/her msgs? for god's sake -.- get a life.

besides, i used to be a mean girl, i mean, girlfriend. i never treated them (my ex-es) like they're going to leave me. i was so confident that i would be together with them as long as i wanted to. i, even betrayed them. ridiculous, naive, i know. that was me though -.- i had been single for two years after i broke up with the previous ones. you couldn't imagine how wild i was or perhaps how raving i was at that time. yes, i clubbed, i pub-ed, i was a drunkard, kissed with the people that i could barely know(eww, right?), and etc. ahem, i don't weep for what i had done, yet, i laugh about it and grin at those stupid things that i had done, cause' as far as i seen, i have grown up :) (well, perhaps i might seen as a bitch for some of you)

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

C. S. Lewis

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and he came back, last night! :D nothing changes, except his tummy D: like a balloonnnnnnnn. met him in 2010, and it's 2012 now. fast right. photos summarize the rest k.

2010

2011

2012

greeting.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BELOVED FAMILY <3

common.

my parents have already pampered me like a princess for almost 20 years, just with the intention of not to allow the grief approaches me when i'm about to meet a man. 


dear,


i will definitely marry a man who treats me like how my parents me along the way :)

little chinese word.

来篇特别的呗 :) 

看了‘步步惊心’，心里真的感到很感概。不知为何，不知为时，既然着迷了。真可笑。虽不怎么喜欢它的结局，但终算满意。 在看这部连续剧的过程，我真的哭得稀里哗啦的，像是关不上的水龙头，眼泪，像是不听使唤，一滴一滴地，滑下脸庞。

古代时期，每个女人都得为她们的男人牺牲，但这却胜过了现时代的无数女人，因为，她们都比现时代的女人来得开心，不是吗？虽然古代的男人可以三妻四妾，但是，亦胜过现时代的男人，因为，他们都比现时代的男人更疼爱，更保护他们的女人，不是吗？

这可是现时代每个女人的渴望，渴望她们的男人能不顾一切地，爱护她们，疼爱她们，为她们做尽一切以及温柔的对待。但这样的男人，在现时代，寥寥无几。也许在某个角落是有这样的男人的存在，但可并不属于你，而另有所属。或许，这可被说成天真，发白日梦，傻痴，但这一切的一切，总不停地在女人的脑海里徘徊，不停地徘徊啊。

再说，你错过了多少属于你的男人？只因为你的一念执著，放弃了，值得吗？当然，值不值得是在于你怎么去衡量。我，曾经感到乏了，真的乏了，但我深深地知道这只是一念的执著，又何必每日深锁眉头，何苦呢？最终还是决定不想了，顺其自然呗 :)

在把我的话说完之前，想对某人说：

若我是若曦，你，会是四阿哥吗？

it's a simple love.

i'm actually very fatigue at this time, yet i have the flow of writing out of the sudden. so just take it.

i have been living in this world for 21 years and yes, i'm turning 21yrs old soon, it's not like very soon -.- the feeling that i'm actually having now starts from the word - love.

went out with my mother to get some groceries today and bumped into my little sister and her bf abruptly. so the thought of mine started here. i have been living with my mother for almost 21 years. in contrast, it has been only approximately 2 years that i have been living with my bf.

 if you would have asked me those questions such as, who would you save first if you're given the only chance when your mother and your loved ones are drowning in the sea at the same time? my answer would always be the same - save the both of them, until today, it changed. i think, if it's going to be the only chance that i have gotten, i would only save the one who has been living with me since i was born.

i used to try to balance the love between both of them. yet, it started to wobble and move slightly towards the one whom i have been living with for 21 years. there is no reason that could even explain this. it is just a feeling, a natural feeling.

it's very normal for a couple to go through the stages of making friend, becoming lover, drowning in a deep love relationship and ended up in saying goodbye to each other and perhaps, one of them would probably be a moron and commit suicidal or whatsoever. these are just the stages of learning to love and be loved.

the one whom i have been living for 21 years would not leave me behind and seek for another interesting thing, instead, she protects me like a baby, until now. she's willing to do everything for me even she's sick or whatsoever. compared to those bf/gf outside, it's totally a gigantic difference. who on earth would tolerate you with the poo poo when you're a baby, who on earth would take care of your meals when you're starving, who on earth would staying by your side when you're in a deep shit.

people, don't just ignore the feeling of the one whom you have been living with since you're born. it's totally understandable that you're in love, cause i'm in love too, yet, i chose to be realistic as i think, my lover would or will leave me someday in the future, unlike the one whom i have been living with for 21 years.

dear mother, love you, always.

the forgotten pictures.

alive, still.

so i had decided to keep aside my assignment and started to grumble right here, right now. it has been ages that i have been keeping myself safely from the research work, presentation and etc as for your information, studying ACCA doesn't require me to do so -.-  and now my brain couldn't work for these objects anymore, like seriously. yea, it rusted, i know.

had frequent argument with my bf recently and this makes my mood swings like hell such as i wept on my bed in the middle of the night out of sudden, i felt like i'm forever alone in this world and so on. i did have the intention to stop thinking about this since there is something much bigger waiting for me to complete it asap. but it proved futile. i just have to admit that i get sentimental, easily.  blahh.

well, forget about the glum thing. the only reason that keeps me ecstatic since i got back here is that my mom is going to touchdown sunway tomorrow, and which means, i will have delicious foods to enjoy, again :)

got to go on and continue my research work now, take care ;)

gimme more.

i miss my holidays and i want it back so much. it's better than me forever alone here, at least, and eating alone :(

Quickie.

It's time to get back to study mood, again, how fast it is. Sigh. I found myself depressed in these few days and, I couldn't even explain the reason why. Nevertheless, I read a nice book which eventually made my days better, the book which taught me how to find my own happiness.

I have spent most of my holidays meaningfully and I love it profusely :) oh, I went to pulau manukan with my mom today. Slept on the bench and it didn't take me long to feel that my face and arms were burning the moment I woke up from nap. Huuu.

Other than that, I strongly feel that 2012 isn't a good year for me, and I secretly hope/pray that everything will be going smoothly for each and every family member of mine. I don't wish to see anyone weeps in front of me, again. #No matter what happens on you, I would make sure that I will always be there for you cause' I want you to know that, you're not alone.#

Lord, please show me some mercy. Thank you <3 goodnight.