If only.

i ain't being dramatic. i just couldn't stand still, anymore. nobody cares, not even one. i'm trying to breathe, very hard. i knew i'm not the only one whos facing such hard time. everyone does. but this time, at this particular jiffy, i'm completely collapsed.

i insist to grab the chance as tight as i could fearing that the chance would slip through again. i decided not to care about how others look at me, how others perceive this whole things. i couldn't tell how much remorse have consumed me. like thissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much i bet. 

no rewind button, no restart button, no, just nothing. 

had another nightmare this morning. and as usual, the heavy eyelids opened at 6am sharp, yes, sharp. trying so hard to curl my lips up so that others wouldn't say a word 'emo'. i pray so hard that nightmare wouldn't consume me every night and yet it proved futile :(

watched despicable me 2. and i realised that, i couldn't laugh as loud as i wanted anymore. cause' there were lots of images playing in my head and my vision started to become so blur, so blur. i miss those days, truly miss. 

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”