today, 1st of feb. there were 2 things that really pissed me off, indeed. i ain't going to tell the details of it cause' i didn't want you to find my words harsh. sometimes, everyone has their immature thoughts once in a while, please don't tell me that you don't, cause' i knew you're just a liar.
i used to show my sour face ages ago whenever i get pissed. now, it's completely different. i attempted to stay cool and calm. not to utter or even spit out any words cause' i knew, once i speak, there'll be another broken heart. if you're aware of my earlier post, i did mention that i'm an evilly person, quite.
the incidents :
i would have thought of, what if, i stopped the motorcyclist who knocked down the side mirror of the car by throwing any heavy thing to his head and he falls down and i get a baseball bat and keep hitting him on his face until he says sorry. i knew, it sounds horrible. but i really did have this immature thought at that particular jiffy.
i could be very lethargy when i wanted to talk to someone so desperately but nobody is there for me. i mean, those i chose to talk with. and again, an immature thought popped out. i was thinking about, what's the position am i placing in their heart. i always be there when they need me, however, it doesn't happen to me. and at that moment, i told myself, forget about it and don't even give them a shit.
after i have calmed myself down, i realized, i am not mature enough yet i'm turning 20 soon. the good thing is, it will always have a mature thought after an immature thought had gone. i felt guilty, sorry and even funny. why on earth am i get so sensitive and so depress for everything. i keep asking myself, how many years of life are waiting for everyone to get over it, obviously, not much. and hence, here's my apology. sorry.
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